The next time you go into a coffee shop, look out for these 10 people that annoy everyone else:
1. The Regular Joe-Shmoe
There’s apparently local rules in every coffee shop and the regular Joe will enforce them. His self-proclaimed VIP status also includes his own reserved table where he will sit at for hours upon hours. He breaks in line because “Kelly already knows what my order is.” He is the type of guy we all hate.
2. The Cheap Ass Who Complains About Prices
Don’t lie. You don’t go to higher-end coffee shops like Starbucks and Aroma for the quality of the coffee. You go there for the easy-free experience. Nobody ever brags about how cheap their Aroma coffee is – that’s part of the appeal: you go to Aroma and pay the $10 for an x-large cappuccino, so you don’t have to listen to people complain about how fiscally reprehensible the person serving them coffee is. Better yet, they request a medium coffee in a large cup (just so they can top the rest off with milk) and demand you charge them for a medium.
3. The College Kid Hidden Behind all the Books
The college student who is barely visible behind their pile of textbooks. Depending on how close it is to exam week, you might hear muffled sobs coming from behind that great wall of math and chemistry and other subject specific books. Free internet is quite alluring for college kids.
4. The Condiments Hoarder
Admit it, we all know someone who’s stolen a few sugars and stir sticks from their local coffee shop. When nobody’s around, the packet hoarder makes their way over to the condiments section and somehow leaves with 1,248 packets of low-calorie sweetener and 592 sachets of creamers in a donut baggy or the pockets of their jeans.
5. The Person in Line While On the Phone
They’ve got their phones practically glued to their ears and forget that there are probably 20 other people in the room who can hear them. We wonder if they’re even aware of the fact that they’re sharing their business deals, sob stories, or the latest barkada break-up with everyone else around them.
6. The Big-Order People
Wearing an all-white, button down shirt with a plain tie, this person shows up with a legal pad full of barely-legible orders. “Yeah, I’m gonna need 15 tall non-fat, lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot and no foam…and 30 grande decaf cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 12 grande mocha with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?” Then, instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he painstakingly inspects all his cups in his 10 flimsy cardboard holders. The rest of us….only wanting a small coffee..wait impatiently before disappearing.
7. Employers Conducting Their Interviewers
This is a rare and exciting sighting. Usually found in downtown cores or commercial areas, this group consists of one or two employers who are awkwardly interviewing a third person that they’ve likely found on Craigslist or Kijiji. The rest of us watch on as the nervous interviewer either fails or scores the job.
8. The Indecisive Person
It’s fine, take your time. Wait no. I’m not meaning it sarcastically. I, too, am very indecisive. Can I give you any suggestions? just don’t do it when there is a huge line up behind you. Use a mobile app whenever possible.
9. The People on an Awkward Date
We’ve all had some awkward first dates, but have you ever had one that you had to tell the entire internet about it? That’s exactly what happened when writer Anne Thériault live-tweeted a terrible coffee date she overheard while working away at a local cafe. As someone who also spends a lot of time writing at Tim Hortons and Starbuckls, I can verify that coffee shops are the best places to hang out if you enjoy people watching and eavesdropping on their personal lives.
10. The Time Killers
Usually seen sitting in the corner of the coffee shop texting while waiting for a friend who’s obviously tardy. May or may not have a small cup of the cheapest beverage at hand.
About Alex Noudelman
Alex Noudelman is an educator, coach and Digital Marketing Manager with over 5 years of experience. Alex enjoys and strives to motivate others to better themselves professionally and on a personal note. Feel free to contact him if you have any questions or would like a specific topic covered.