Alex Noudelman’s Alphabet Predictions for 2050

By | August 11, 2015

On Monday, Google created a new company Alphabet as a parent brand for all its business arms. Here are some of our predictions for what Google (or Alphabet) may look like in 2050.

Google logo

A is for Auto. Once self-driving cars hit the road, Google auto will expand to include a line of self-driving hovercraft so that technophiles can fly above the traffic-plagued cars.

is for Alerts. It  will continue to send emails to users when it finds new results—such as web pages, newspaper articles, or blogs—that match their search terms.

B is Google Books. This will be a service that searches the full text of books and magazines that the search engine has scanned, converted to text and stored in its digital database. The only difference is that it will be seen in 3D and will give summaries of what you are about to read.

C is for Calico. Created in 2013, this is Google’s life extension play. Immortality will all of the sudden be an option.

is for Chrome. A minimalist design browser with sophisticated technology to make the browsing faster, safer and easier. In 2050, it will annihilate all other browsers.

is for Chrome Book. A new, faster computer. It starts in seconds and offers 1000 apps. Everyone will have at least one such computer in their home in 2050.

D is for Destiny. Google Destiny will use all that data gathered on you by Alphabet’s many companies to match you with the dream job and your perfect soulmate.

is for DoubleClick. It will continue to develop and provide Internet ad serving services.

is for Dreams, an invention that will scan brain activity to decode what someone is dreaming about. This makes me wonder if it will be possible to upload false, made-up memories.

E is for Eats. Google will purchase Soylent and create a company that uses all of your genetic and health data to create a personalized meal replacement substance perfectly made to your preferences.

F is for Fiber, Google’s high-speed internet arm which will expand to include personal WiFi hotspot chip implants, so that nobody ever has to live without the internet again!

G is for Google, that old school company that makes things like search engines, ad networks and apps.

is for Gmail, which will continue to provide a free, advertising-supported email service.

is for Glass. This Google Glass but in the form of contact lenses.

H is for Hydro. This is Google’s undersea exploration division, which will mainly be working to uncover new sources of energy on the ocean floor.

is for Hangouts. A place where people will continue to chat and meet online.

I is for iRobot, Google’s cyborg division, which will work mainly on implants and software updates for the human brain. Can you imagine a world controlled by technology? It reminds me of Saved By The Bell and Screech’s robot.

J is for Jeans. Google started with jeans, but will now make everything from handbags to tasteful evening wear using computerized textiles, turning fabric surfaces everywhere into touchscreens. Google chose to keep the name Google Jeans to give the label a classy, retro feel.

K is for Kilovolt. Google’s green energy division that will be responsible for researching how to get as much leftover energy out of old Androids and Chromebooks, since now most people will be upgrading their devices every 12 to 16 weeks. Androids will even cost less than $20.

L is for Life Sciences. These will be people who will be experimenting with stuff like glucose-sensing contact lenses. In 2050, they’ll move on to smart skin and implants that track insulin and caffeine levels to automatically dose the body when needed, without you ever knowing.

M is for Meteor. This will be Google’s space-mining operation. Its creation will be inspired by the science fiction novel “Leviathan Wakes” by James S.A. Corey.

N is for Nest. Google will have the ability to control every aspect of your home, including handily sensing when you are low on Google Eats by measuring the volume of the contents in your fridge and ordering you more when the necessity arises.

is for Now. We will still have a virtual personal assistant. It will continue to use a natural language user interface to answer questions, make recommendation and perform actions by delegating requests to web services.

O is for Open House. This is what Google will rename its smart home products when it realizes that Brillo is a horrible name. It will continue to be the platform for the Internet of Things.

P is for Peace of Mind. This will be Google’s new funeral service company that will take care of the disposal of digital bodies after they die.

Q is for Qubit. This is Google’s quantum computing outfit. It will be trying to discover how to break through all of the world’s encryption, giving the company access to every data there is out there!

R is for Replica. This will be Google’s new human cloning service. Guiding Light’s Reva clone Dolly will inspire this new invention.

S is for Store. This is where you  will go to purchase most things, such as Google Eats, Google Jeans and Google Autos. Google will pave the way great for deliveries being done the same day you order them.

is for Space. Google will form a partnership with NASA and government agencies around the world in search extraterrestrial life.

T is for Therapy, a division of Google that will provide robot therapists that specialize in treating disorders psychologists have found are caused by technology over usage. Do You Google Your Shrink? If you don’t, in 2050 you will.

U is for Universe, the social network that connects us to extraterrestrial life.

V is for Ventures, Google’s investment arm which will focus on extra-planetary investment opportunities.

is for Voice, which will continue to give you one number for all your phones and voicemail needs and is as easy as using email.

W is for Weapon. After Alphabet drops Google’s pesky “don’t be evil” motto, it will open a shop in the east and began selling the world’s best autonomous weaponry – robots.

is for Water,  an invention which will aim to reduce the amount of clean, treated drinking water that will be wasted by leaky pipes.

X is for Google X, which will focus on what the company will refer to as “Pluto shots”.

Y is for YouTube, which will now create personalized holographic broadcast directly into your living room or beams and streams directly into your Google Glass Contact Lenses.

Z is for Zen. This is a 100-acre, tech-free retreat that will be built in a bubble in the Montana Mountains for people who want to become Amish and get away from all their technology.

Thank you to Kristin V. Brown from Fusion for inspiring me to expand on this idea and add my own stuff.

I pretty much envision 2050 being the year that Google takes over the world, full time!

About Alex Noudelman

Alex Noudelman is a digital marketing expert at iRISEmedia. He received his Honors B.A. from York University and a Masters in Adolescent Education from D’Youville College.

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